Kevin Farley as Michael Malone

Kelsey Grammer as General George S. Patton

Leslie Nielsen as Osama Bin Nielsen / Grandpa

Trace Adkins as Angel of Death

Robert Davi as Aziz

Geoffrey Arend as Mohammed

Travis Schuldt as Josh

Jon Voight as President George Washington

James Woods as Todd Grosslight

Dennis Hopper as Judge Clarence Henderson

Kevin Sorbo as George Mulrooney

Bill O'Reilly as Himself

David Alan Grier as Rastus Malone

Gary Coleman as Slave

Christopher McDonald as Lab Technician

Serdar Kalsin as Ahmed

Oliver Muirhead as Neville Chamberlain

Karri Turner as Lab Tech 2

Alaina Huffman as Celebrity 1

Paris Hilton as Paris Hilton

Simon Rex as Simon Rex

Dana Lyn Baron as Speaker 1940's

Julian Berlin as Woman at Awards Party

Cocoa Brown as Airport Security Guard 1

Jen Halperin as Hottie

Mary Castro as Hottie

Nikki DeLoach as Lily

Susan Deming as It's That Michael Malone!

Katie Gill as Rehearsal Actress

Cameron Goodman as Political Aide

Camille Meyer as I Gave up an Ass Lift for This?

Mary Hart as Entertainment Tonight Host

Kaleigh Kennedy as Becca/Kaleigh

Simone Lotter as Partygoer 2

Jillian Murray as Heather

Gail O'Grady as Jane Wagstaffe

Anna Osceola as Molly Duncan

Lu Parker as Reporter 1

Amy Povich as Airport Passenger 1

Jane Justice Park as Reporter 2

Jenna Vogeler as Tiny Tina/Jenna

Lauren Lee Smith as Voice of Reason

Nadine Ellis as Parent

Marilyn Rising as Parent

Julianne Waters as Columbia Student '1968'

Christy Williams as Columbia Student '1968'

Alexander DiPersia as Rehearsal Actor

Sandi Johnson as Professor

Mark Vafiades as Look Out! It's Those Christians!

Jesse Heiman as Young Michael Malone

Brent Lydic as Wounded Soldier

Chriss Anglin as John F. Kennedy

Brandon Alter as He's Much Fatter in Person.

Scott Bailey as Celebrity 2

Morgan Beck as "Free History Term Papers"

Randall Bosley as Mussolini

Joanne Bowland as Intern

Vicki Browne as Rosie O'Connell

Jeff Corbett as Policeman 2

Rebekah Crane as Girl Scout

Tony X. Deale as Security Guard

Chrisanne Eastwood as Hippie 2

Mell Flynn as "Traitor!"

Lisa Fredrickson as Singer

Carl De Gersdorff as Teddo

Eileen Gonzales as Reporter on TV

Allen Lee Haff as Airport Security Guard 2

Joe Hartzler as 'Marines!' / Sassy Sailor

Mark Henderson as Minister 2

Benton Jennings as Hitler

Jack Kelly as You're a Disgrace Protest Yeller

Coco Leigh as Nun on Bus

Zachary Levi as Lab Tech 1

Joey Luthman as Boy Scout

Rich McDonald as Thought You Hated Country Music!

Meghan McEveety as Trophy Girl

Brighid McEveety as Girl at BBQ

Steve Monroe as Airport Passenger 2

Tyler Jacob Moore as Marty

Joey Naber as Terrorist 2

Durrell Nelson as Chaplain

John O'Hurley as Silvano

David Oved as Afghan Prisoner 2

Norman Panto as Accordion Player

Robert Pierce as Minister 1

Bill Posley as Mose Malone

Oren Rehany as Terrorist on Bike

F. Lee Reynolds as Subway Policeman

Bryant Romo as "Sailors!"

Elizabeth Scott as I'm Starved.

Evan Sayet as Patient in Line

Atticus Shaffer as Timmy / Atticus

Sammy Sheik as Subway Terrorist

Abbie Shepherd as Trophy Girl at BBQ

Joe Sikorra as Policeman (MSG) 1

Steve Spiro as Cuban Commander

Richard Tanner as Village Voter

Peter F. Tegan as Stagehand

Fred Travalena as Jimmy Carter

Hiroshi Ueha as Tojo

Lee von Ernst as Hippie 1

Josh Zucker as Voice of Reason

Sarah Zucker as Voice of Reason

Paul R. Goldberg as Cocktail Musician

John T. Hatton as Cocktail Musician

Allen Simpson as Cocktail Musician / Musician

Joanna Repsold as Wedding Guest

Badger Wagstaffe as Wedding Guest

Cheryl Baxter as Parent

Troy Christian as Parent

Laura Fremont as Parent

Michael Higgins as Parent

Elisabeth Jee as Parent

Blane Savage as Parent

Marc Oka as Parent

Carlton Wilborn as Parent

Heather Lea Gerdes as Professor

Marcy Goldman as Professor

Ernest Harden Jr. as Professor

Anthony Marciona as Professor

Stan Mazin as Professor

Bubba Dean Rambo as Professor

Jerry Trent as Professor

Keith Allan as Plantation Singer

Fred Braggs as Plantation Singer

Eddie Eason as Plantation Singer

Jimmy Fisher as Plantation Singer

Julio Hanson as Plantation Singer

Tyree Mills as Plantation Singer

Andre Washington as Plantation Singer

Reshma Gajjar as Columbia Student '1968'

Christopher Jenkins Holmes as Columbia Student '1968'

Brian Michael Jones as Columbia Student '1968'

Eric Gustafson as Musician

David Kogge as Musician

Dan Vulovic as Musician

Adam Yasmin as Musician

Paris Hilton as Self