Jane Jensen as Juliet Capulet

Will Keenan as Tromeo Que

Valentine Miele as Murray Martini

William Beckwith as Cappy Capulet

Steve Gibbons as London Arbuckle

Sean Gunn as Sammy Capulet

Debbie Rochon as Ness

Lemmy Kilmister as Narrator

Stephen Blackehart as Benny Que

Flip Brown as Father Lawrence

Earl McKoy as Monty Que

Gene Terinoni as Detective Ernie Scalus

Wendy Adams as Ingrid Capulet

Tamara Marie Watson as Georgie Capulet

Jacqueline Tavarez as Rosy

Tiffany Shepis as Peter

Joe Fleishaker as 1-900-HOT-HUNK

James Gunn as Found a Peanut Father

Lloyd Kaufman as Shocked Onlooker

Lisbeth Kaufman as Mutant Kid

Charlotte Kaufman as Mutant Kid

Caroline Smith as Pauline

Jason Green as Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. (uncredited)

Ron Jeremy as Tromaville Citizen (uncredited)

Garon Peterson as Fu Chang

Joseph Anthony as Flavio (Penis Monster Guy)

Craig Adams as Guy Who Says It Will Take Him Only Two Minutes to Have Sex

Neil Ruddy as Nice Man Hit By Car!!