Mark Wahlberg as John

Seth MacFarlane as Ted (voice)

Amanda Seyfried as Samantha

Jessica Barth as Tami-Lynn

Giovanni Ribisi as Donny

Morgan Freeman as Patrick Meighan

Sam J. Jones as Sam J. Jones

Patrick Warburton as Guy

Michael Dorn as Rick

Bill Smitrovich as Frank

John Slattery as Shep Wild

Cocoa Brown as Joy

John Carroll Lynch as Tom Jessup

Ron Canada as Judge

Liam Neeson as Customer

Dennis Haysbert as Fertility Doctor

Patrick Stewart as Narrator (voice)

Tom Brady as Tom Brady

Jay Leno as Jay Leno

Jimmy Kimmel as Jimmy Kimmel

Kate McKinnon as Kate McKinnon

Bobby Moynihan as Bobby Moynihan

Taran Killam as Taran Killam

Sebastian Arcelus as Dr. Ed Danzer

Jay Patterson as Karl Jackson

Steve Callaghan as Comic

Nana Visitor as Adoption Agent

Maggie Geha as Female Nurse

Jessica Szohr as Allison

Craig Ricci Shaynak as Blind Guy

Lexi Atkins as Waitress

Jack Knight as Todd Kidder

Lauren Sánchez as Boston Newscaster

William Xifaras as Boston Neighbor

Curtis Stigers as Wedding Singer

Julius Sharpe as NYC Doctor

Liz Morgan as NYC Nurse

Alec Sulkin as Obi-Wan

Ralph Garman as Stormtrooper

Michael Steven Costello as Jury Foreman

J. Mark Donaldson as Juror

Frank Lloyd as Juror

Bart A. Piscitello Jr. as Bailiff

Becki Dennis as Receptionist

Robert Holfelder as Band Leader

Michael Trisler as Cyclist

Ryan Hanna as Jogger

Kate Gustafson as Hasbro CEO Assistant

David Goldman as Pundit

Ted Jessup as Pundit

Ronobir Lahiri as Pundit

Barry Ratcliffe as Pundit

Chris Regan as Pundit

Nefetari Spencer as Pundit

Jeffrey Stubblefield as Pundit

Wellesley Wild as Pundit

Lenny Clarke as Cop (Boston PD)

Chris Neville as Cop (Boston PD)

Rachael MacFarlane as Meighan Assistant

Christy Scott Cashman as Reporter

Joseph J. Micucci as Nerd (Wedgie)

Josiah Blount as Comic Con Fan

Johnny Alves as Security Guard

Silvio Cuadra as Security Guard

Dustin Ybarra as Borg

Matthew J. Walters as Hellboy

Aaron Zell as Vendor

Scott Wahle as Film Executive

John Viener as Police Dispatcher

Kate B. O'Brien as Diner Waitress

Billy Concha as Bachelor Party Guest

Andrew Torres as Jump Rope Guy

Luke Adams as Wedding Announcer

Tara Strong as Ted Toy (voice)

Tiffany as Tiffany

Brittany O'Connor as Cake Girl (uncredited)

Julie Schmid as Piano / Ginger Girl (uncredited)

Rose Wakesho as Comic Con Attendee (uncredited)

Katie McCabe as Hot Comic Con Girl (uncredited)

Stanis Krista Ames as Courthouse Spectator (uncredited)

Claudia Zielke as Baroness Girl (uncredited)

Alexandra Creteau as Wedding Guest (uncredited)

Vincent M. Biscione as Ted's Court Gallery (uncredited)

Kt Baldassaro as Wedding Guest (uncredited)

Laura-Elise Barrett as Booth Girl (uncredited)

Anissa Borrego as Flash Girl (uncredited)

Roseny Carrero as My Little Pony Booth Girl (uncredited)

John Franchi as Bar Patron (uncredited)

Chia Chen as Comic Con Attendee (uncredited)

Lexie Contursi as Piano / Ginger Girl (uncredited)

Chassidy Cox as Comic Con Attendee (uncredited)

Nea Dune as Comic Con Attendee (uncredited)

Diana Emuge as Comic Con Attendee (uncredited)

Michelle Fonseca as Courtroom Observer (uncredited)

Enku Gubaie as Wedding Guest (uncredited)

London Hall as Reporter (uncredited)

Isabel Wagner as Comic Con Attendee (uncredited)

Sandra Yap as Comic Con Attendee (uncredited)

Isabella Sanchez as Comic Con Booth Girl (uncredited)

Sagan Rose as Ginger Girl (uncredited)

Elizabeth Pollard as Fairy at Comic Con (uncredited)

Tina Grimm as Comic Con Booth Girl (uncredited)

Kim Mulhauser as Wedding Guest (uncredited)

Olivia McCarthy as Booth Girl (uncredited)

Sophie Mazzaro as Fox Booth Girl (uncredited)

Anna Maiche as Kissing Couple (uncredited)

Kandiss Lewis as Scat Pack Girl #2 (uncredited)

Toi'ya Leatherwood as Ginger Girl (uncredited)

Christopher Weigel as Well Wisher (uncredited)

Zola Williams as Dancer (uncredited)

Noelle Trudeau as Wedding Guest (uncredited)

Lance Norris as Wedding Guest (uncredited)

Susan Garfield as Woman at Diner (uncredited)

Dustin Christenson as Attendee (uncredited)